How to Write a Sentence by Stanley Fish.

I liked reading ‘How to write a sentence‘. It’s on my iPad and made for good subway reading. This is definitely for the word nerds out there. If you aren’t directly responsible for writing, approving or editing copy, it might not be the most useful desktop resource.

But if you appreciate the craft or writing, there are some good tips for writers and readers. We sometimes forget that all the great lines in advertising, film and literature were written by someone just like us – someone who woke up to a blank sheet paper and tried to do something better, more original, more thoughtful.

The publisher’s blurb is below and you can always click on The Writer’s Bookshelf for more suggestions on great reads and influential books on the craft of writing.

Book description from Harper Collins: Some appreciate fine art; others appreciate fine wines. Stanley Fish appreciates fine sentences. The New York Times columnist and world-class professor has long been an aficionado of language: “I am always on the lookout for sentences that take your breath away, for sentences that make you say, ‘Isn’t that something?’ or ‘What a sentence!’” Like a seasoned sportscaster, Fish marvels at the adeptness of finely crafted sentences and breaks them down into digestible morsels, giving readers an instant play-by-play.

In this entertaining and erudite gem, Fish offers both sentence craft and sentence pleasure, skills invaluable to any writer (or reader). His vibrant analysis takes us on a literary tour of great writers throughout history—from William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and Henry James to Martin Luther King Jr., Antonin Scalia, and Elmore Leonard. Indeed, How to Write a Sentence is both a spirited love letter to the written word and a key to understanding how great writing works; it is a book that will stand the test of time.

For anyone struggling with basics or aspiring to write with greater clarity, I recommend ‘When You Find an Adjective, Kill It‘.

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Most common words in advertising to boys (and probably most used in advertising agencies).

Most common words used in advertising to girls (and probably in new business pitches).

Thanks to the team at ‘The Achilles Effect‘ for posting these great infographics that compare the most common words used in advertising to boys and girls.

This is not an endorsement of The Achilles Effect or its beliefs. I’ve checked out the site and it seems like it might offer some advice for concerned parents.

The Achilles Effect explores gender bias in the entertainment aimed at primary school boys, focusing on the dominant themes in children’s TV shows, toy advertising, movies, and books: gender stereotypes of both sexes, male dominance, negative portrayals of fathers, breaking of the mother/son bond, and the devaluing of femininity. It examines the gender messages sent by pop culture, provides strategies for countering these messages, and encourages discussion of a vitally important issue that is rarely talked about—boys and their often skewed understanding of gender.

The Achilles Effect is a guide for parents, educators, and students who want to learn more about male and female stereotypes, their continued strong presence in kids’ pop culture, and their effect on young boys.

Punctuation changes everything.

A punctuation case study and a warning to chickens everywhere.

This is obviously an inconsequential chunk of copy and it really doesn’t matter if it’s punctuated well or not at all.

But, add a comma or two:

This becomes a large, slow, roasted chicken. It’s a warning to overweight chickens everywhere. If you’re large and slow, you’ll get caught and roasted.

Add a hyphen:

Everything becomes clear. This is a large slow-roasted chicken. He would have been slowly roasted regardless of his size. It’s not his fault. The warning here is to all chickens big and small.

Add a question mark.

Just to mess with people, add a question mark and introduce doubt. Is it really a large, slow-roasted chicken?

The good, the bad and the jerky.

Because it's "organic" that's why.

The irony of this entire idea is delicious. John Wayne, who’s death is allegedly  linked to cancer caused by radiation in the very ground where he built his career as a straight-shootin’ cowboy, is posthumously hawking organic beef jerky.

Of the 220 persons who worked on The Conqueror on location in Utah in 1955, 91 had contracted cancer as of the early 1980s and 46 died of it, including stars John Wayne, Susan Hayward, Agnes Moorehead, and director Dick Powell.

A portion of the proceeds from John Wayne Stock & Supply Company product sales benefits the John Wayne Cancer Foundation. www.jwcf.org.

Does John Galt solve for X?

Overheard this morning:

“How long is this snowfall supposed to last?”

“Dude, solve for X.”

A generation introduced to objectivism used to say, “Who is John Galt”, quoting the highly quotable ‘Atlas Shrugged’. The simple meaning was and is: who knows, or how the f*&K should I know?

Is Charlie Sheen a big, fat faker?
Is the Internet really a fad?
Solve for X.

Writing for the web – Avatars

Avatar or shill? Does it make a difference to the writer?

I was struggling with this one and needed a sound definition of “Avatar” to compare to the more common shill, spokesperson, talking head and host. So I turned to On Language and found this:

Derived from the Sanskrit avatra, meaning ”descent,” avatar first appeared in English in 1784 to mean an incarnation or human appearance of a deity, particularly Vishnu. Hindu mythology avers that 10 incarnations of the peace-loving divinity will appear on Earth, each an avatar, or ”descent,” of the god himself. (That Vishnu has four arms is not in dispute. As to the qualities of his bosom, however, the Vedas are mute.) From that celestial origin, the term’s meaning expanded beyond the strictly religious, coming to mean something akin to ”an embodiment, or object of worship,” as in David Masson’s 1859 derogation of John Donne (a poet whose claim to the metaphysical was of a wholly different stripe) in his book ”The Life of John Milton.” ”Glad that the avatar of Donne, as an intermediate power between Spenser and Milton, was so brief and partial,” he wrote. Though Masson has assuredly done Donne wrong, it is video games to which today’s brief attention spans are partial.

The proliferation of avatar’s second meaning can be traced to Second Life, a multiplayer online virtual world, where players fashion their own online personae called avatars. The popularity of the game has shot the term into the mainstream. Philip Rosedale, the creator of Second Life, defines avatar in the gaming sense as ”the representation of your chosen embodied appearance to other people in a virtual world.” Considering that Second Life avatars may assume literally any guise — wings, a dragon’s head, gills and flippers — the key to avatarness, in Rosedale’s view, is user control. And insofar as a Second Life avatar does and is precisely what the player wants, not just a little Mario who can be made to run and jump or a shapely diva gyrating of her own programmed will, it comes far closer to being a full-fledged virtual persona.

What a relief. It turns out that all those talking heads on websites are just real people and we can stick to basics when we put words in their mouths. They aren’t avatars at all.

Ellisism is partly about copywriting and content creation, so these little rants must appear from time to time.

My heart goes out to Shane Bacon because I believe he was sabotaged by a bad editor who doesn’t know his ess from a hole in the ground. We all know that the plural form of hole-in-one is holes-in-one. Not: hole-in-ones. I assume that an editor made the mistake because the writer got it right in the article.

“We” would never say, call-to-actions when we know that the “s” goes on calls. We don’t make this mistake but perhaps we know someone who does. So how do we help? Here’s a simple way to remember the rule:

If you call your mother more than once, you’ve made several calls to Mom. Not several call-to-Moms. This is a no-brainer way to avoid this common mistake.

Tue Feb 01 03:33pm EST

Scottish man makes two hole-in-ones over nine-hole stretch

By Shane Bacon

You ready for the craziest thing you’ll hear all week? A Scottish man made two holes-in-one in just nine holes, and then walked off the golf course because he had a meeting he had to attend.

Two aces over nine holes! Come on, Adam Smith, save some for the rest of us.

The story comes from The Scotsman, and tells us Smith knocked in the first ace on the 163-yard 18th hole (during the winter, the Stonehaven Golf Club, just south of Aberdeen, Scotland, starts play on the 18th hole) only to hole out on the 132-yard seventh hole a while later.

Also, just listen to the 47-year-old, 7-handicapper talking about his two aces. He’s so calm it is almost frightening.

Amazingly stupid copy.

Who takes a dead dog, cat or parrot to a sub shop? Regular readers know that I oppose unnecessary and ambiguous adjectives. I’m not alone. There’s a fabulous little book called, ‘When You Find an Adjective, Kill It‘. A while back I called them “Zit Words“, ugly little blemishes.

So, when I saw this sign, paid for a approved by the intellectuals who run my city and presumably look out for my health, I had to make an example of this bad copywriting.

This sign is on the entrance to a Subway sandwich shop in Toronto. They sell dead animals on your choice of bun! If I stop here, the irony is enough to make us shake our heads.

Does the City of Toronto have to distinguish between “Live” and “Dead” animals in this case? Why did the writer add 25% more words to the headline? Who insisted on adding the unnecessary adjective “Live“? Is it a legal thing? How does this affect the dead alpaca I lug around for good luck?

It gets worse. Way worse. Why mention “service animals” and and include an image of a parrot?

This is why we avoid adjectives most of the time. They’re trouble.

Bloody hell… don’t bring your live parrot to the sandwich shop (dead ones: no problem).

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I proofread and approve a lot of work created in haste, by people who have to deal with hundreds of emails and IMs as they work. On the light side, it’s job security. Little mistakes are everywhere.

But when people get killed (for reals) it’s time to shake our heads and admit that this shit doesn’t work. There is an article in the New York Times titled, ‘Multitasking In War Has Its Perils‘. A bunch of guys, distracted by monitoring “the drone’s video feeds while participating in dozens of instant-messages and radio exchanges with intelligence analysts and troops on the ground” flew their drone toward a crowd (the wrong crowd apparently) and blew up 23 Afghan civilians.

Multitasking is a myth. Look it up.

I promise the next post will be a happy one.

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Creative briefs that get results.

Ambiguity is a luxury afforded (and abused) to most professionals in the middle ranks of communication management. But the writer is not welcome at this buffet of non-committal lingo.

The writer cannot reconcile real-world contradictions in a brief that was approved for its balance of retail and brand messaging. The writer can’t simultaneously push the buttons of two people with nothing in common. Nor can the writer achieve a 60/40 split between “security and convenience” messaging.

The greater writer must commit. No sort-ofs. No kinda-likes. No bit-of-this and bit-of-that.

If the ad is ambiguous, there’s a good chance the brief was written to get approved, not to get results.

If it’s results you want, fall back to basics: Find the one thing you want to say. Commit to that one thing. Then ask your writer to find a truly inspirational way to say it.

That’s all there is to that circus.

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